10 years | Bare and Me

Well, I graduated from college. Isn’t that cool? Fun? Exciting?

TERRIFYING!

What now? What 9-5 job am I going to be working now? I was always so excited to graduate. All of my friends were holding on for dear life, but I was always anticipating the new chapter in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still am so excited to start that chapter, but right now, I feel like I am stuck between the flip of a page…not really sure where I want to go next. Maybe, just maybe, I want to re read that last chapter. Replay it all in my mind and go back to see if I could do anything different. Maybe I want to start a new book altogether.

But it doesn’t work like that. As much as I want it to, it doesn’t. Life is a whirlwind of up’s and down’s, unexpected treasures, and terrible decision making.

Why is the real world so scary to me?

I have been interviewing at a couple different places these first weeks off from school. None of them are what I want. My major was Communication Studies with a focus in Public Relations/Event Planning. I pretty much had this idea of who and what I wanted to be, and then..well…graduation happened.

I don’t know who the hell I want to be. at all.

It is a devastatingly terrifying feeling to not know what you want in life.

You know that moment when you are on a roller coaster and you are inching your way up just waiting to hit that bump and fly back down again? That anticipation that scares the shit out of you but also is really thrilling at the same time?

Every single day. Every moment of every day. I am thinking about when that bump is going to happen to me, and I am going to be thrown into a new adventure, a new 9-5 adventure that we call the real world.

Like I said, Im still flipping the page. My roller coaster got stuck at the top and is just waiting for that moment to hit full speed.

I am not saying I am not ready. I am just saying, maybe it is the fear of the unexpected that makes me cringe a bit.

The fear that maybe I will not succeed. The fear that I might let myself down, or worse than that, the people around me.

But as I sit her thinking about it all, and feeling bad for myself, I’m realizing how completely ridiculous I sound. EVERYBODY goes through this. EVERYBODY gets scared.

Maybe not now, in this exact moment, am I completely happy with where I am, but I know one day I will be successful, and proud, and ready for anything.

This is just a reminder that you will feel scared once or twice… or 500 times in your life, but that will end, and soon the excitement of a new chapter will rush in. A new chapter of ups, downs, roller coasters, and 9-5 real world jobs.

Today my roommates and I were sitting in one of our rooms, goofing off as usual, when one of us decided to get serious and ask where each of us wanted to be in 10 years. That is such a loaded question, but then we all got to thinking. Where do we want to be?

Will we be married or single?

Will we have children?

Where will we be living?

I was thinking to myself during this whole conversation and I came to the conclusion that I really don’t know where I want to be.

There are small things that I would love to happen, like being married and starting to have children, but I do not know where I want to live, or what I will be doing. I think that life is about enjoying the now, and taking things slow. On the other side of things, I believe that if you feel confident enough in something, then you need to go for it. Take that step. Don’t step out of your comfort zone, leap out of.

Life is too short to plan out all the small things. If that is the case, then there would be no room for surprises. If you want to start a new hobby, start it. If you want to become a singer, do it.

Like the quote above, “Once in a while, blow your own damn mind”

It may surprise you what you are good out. Maybe you can be the next Christina Aguilera. Or the next Mia Hamm. Maybe you are an awesome photographer, or great dancer. You never know unless you try, and life is too short not to.

So, where will I be ten years from now? Hopefully married, hopefully starting to have kids, hopefully working at my dream job.

But I will continue to do things that make me happy.