Well, I graduated from college. Isn’t that cool? Fun? Exciting?
TERRIFYING!
What now? What 9-5 job am I going to be working now? I was always so excited to graduate. All of my friends were holding on for dear life, but I was always anticipating the new chapter in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still am so excited to start that chapter, but right now, I feel like I am stuck between the flip of a page…not really sure where I want to go next. Maybe, just maybe, I want to re read that last chapter. Replay it all in my mind and go back to see if I could do anything different. Maybe I want to start a new book altogether.
But it doesn’t work like that. As much as I want it to, it doesn’t. Life is a whirlwind of up’s and down’s, unexpected treasures, and terrible decision making.
Why is the real world so scary to me?
I have been interviewing at a couple different places these first weeks off from school. None of them are what I want. My major was Communication Studies with a focus in Public Relations/Event Planning. I pretty much had this idea of who and what I wanted to be, and then..well…graduation happened.
I don’t know who the hell I want to be. at all.
It is a devastatingly terrifying feeling to not know what you want in life.
You know that moment when you are on a roller coaster and you are inching your way up just waiting to hit that bump and fly back down again? That anticipation that scares the shit out of you but also is really thrilling at the same time?
Every single day. Every moment of every day. I am thinking about when that bump is going to happen to me, and I am going to be thrown into a new adventure, a new 9-5 adventure that we call the real world.
Like I said, Im still flipping the page. My roller coaster got stuck at the top and is just waiting for that moment to hit full speed.
I am not saying I am not ready. I am just saying, maybe it is the fear of the unexpected that makes me cringe a bit.
The fear that maybe I will not succeed. The fear that I might let myself down, or worse than that, the people around me.
But as I sit her thinking about it all, and feeling bad for myself, I’m realizing how completely ridiculous I sound. EVERYBODY goes through this. EVERYBODY gets scared.
Maybe not now, in this exact moment, am I completely happy with where I am, but I know one day I will be successful, and proud, and ready for anything.
This is just a reminder that you will feel scared once or twice… or 500 times in your life, but that will end, and soon the excitement of a new chapter will rush in. A new chapter of ups, downs, roller coasters, and 9-5 real world jobs.
Bare and Me 