I Love You & I Want You…

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Lately, Matt and I have been very busy and have had a hard time making time for each other. We both have been promoted at our jobs, we have recently moved into a house of our own, (with a house comes larger bills and responsibilities), we are planning a wedding, we have our growing nine and a half month old puppy and ten and a half month old kitty, and friends and family that deserve our attention and our time! Our relationship has gone through many ups and downs, just like any relationship…However, we are consciously making vast efforts to make time for what is most important, each other. Here are some of our tips that we’ve been trying to implement throughout our weekly schedules.

#1 Remind each other that you are their number one priority. When Matt and I decided that we liked each other and we wanted to spend more and more time together, life was easy. We didn’t have a house, bills, a wedding to plan, animals to care for…It was literally Matt and I. All we did was focus on each other and make each other a priority in our lives. Then we added an apartment to the equation. This came along with bills and stress. Then we brought home Rosie and Moe…and the list goes on. When our relationship grew, so did our responsibilities and stress levels. We recognized that we were putting all the things in front of our relationship and that we had lost sight of why we were even here in the first place, each other. When you are going throughout your week, make sure to remind each other that you are their number one priority and everything else isn’t as important.

#2 Leave work at work. This is a big one! What a lot of people don’t understand is work is not what defines you. It took Matt and me a while to figure this one out. Both Matt and I work in stressful situations. For Matt – he is a teacher for the county and works with special needs students. This job requires an incredible amount of patience and compassion and can leave you feeling stressed by the end of the day. For me – I work in an environment where there are very high standards expected out of me, which I love. Every day is a challenge and learning to balance certain aspects can be stressful. However, when Matt and I come home from work, we leave our issues and stress at the door. Maybe if one of us had a bad day, we will talk about it with each other and help each other de-stress. For example, if Matt knows that I had a bad day at work, he will clean the house for me because he knows I hate coming home to a dirty house. He loves me…

#3 Organize your bills and responsibilities around the house and write them down. Money and bills are a huge factor in a marriage or any relationship that will eventually cause you stress. People will tell you that money doesn’t matter and love is the only thing that matters. That’s not true. In our world, money is what provides you with food, shelter, and peace of mind. It is important to keep in mind that money is only an object and it can’t make you happy, but it will stress you out. What Matt and I are currently doing to organize our bills and responsibilities is importing them into this App on our iPhones and iPad. Once everything is organized, then the fun begins. In order for us to accomplish our goals financially, we have been finding fun and entertaining ways of saving and spending our money.

#4 Learning how to fight. This is another important one. For me, when I get angry, I need space. If Matt keeps arguing with me, I won’t back down. He is the same way. We are VERY stubborn. What we have done to eliminate that aspect of arguing is give each other time and space away. Sometimes, it will only take Matt and I five minutes to smile at each other and then it’s over. Fighting in a relationship is normal, in fact, if you’re not fighting, there is something wrong. What the tricky part about relationships is learning how each other fight and learning what you need to not continue to fight. Learning how to fight has been one of Matt and I’s goals since the beginning of our relationship and we are perfecting it every single day.

#5 Giving each other time and space for yourself and friends. Anyone who lives with their significant other understands what I mean. Spending 100% of your time with your significant other while you are not at work can get on your nerves. It is really important that you make time not only for your friends, but for yourself. In my first point, I said that making each other your number one priority is really important. But there is one exception: yourself. You are always your number one priority, you have been in a relationship with yourself for a very long time. Maybe you just want to relax and get your nails done. Maybe he just wants to go throw a couple baskets in the court for a while. Spending time away from each other only makes you miss that person even more. When Matt and I spend time away from each other, I feel accomplished because I did what I wanted for myself and I can’t wait to get home to see Matt. It makes our time together more special.

#5 Show that you love and want each other constantly. When you are alone with each other, make sure to not only tell each other that you love them, but that you want them. Feeling wanted and needed is something that every human being craves. Reminding each other, whether it is through words or a kiss, do it passionately. Even holding that kiss for an extra couple of seconds can do a lot.

There are a lot of ways of making time or creatively using your time with your significant other. You can even make doing dishes together fun. Or maybe instead of eating dinner in front of the TV on the sofa, you set the dinner table and enjoy each other’s company. Everything that you do with each other doesn’t have to be romantic, however, making that extra effort and emphasizing that time with each other is important to you, is key!

Xo,

Jessica Calkins

 

People Watching

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You are probably looking at the title and are thinking…what the heck? Yes. People watching.

People watching is by far one of the best things in the world when you are feeling stressed out or bored with your own life. I live near DC and I know there are a bunch of different personalities roaming around on a daily basis. I love this. So many different styles, conversations, and friendships I have seen, and in the least creepy way possible. I swear.

You notice the mom with the four children, all under ten, who is completely stressed out but still remains to have a smile on her face, because she knows that the only way to get through the day is by staying positive. The mom who is superwomen in disguise. The mom who can fight crime anywhere she goes. You cannot help but try to think about what she is thinking. Does she want to scream? How does she do it and still look good!? What museum are they going to?

Then you are fixed on the older couple, sitting on the bench across from you. The one who will not let go of each others hands.You can tell that they are so in love, and you only wish that you could have something like that at the age that they do. You think to yourself about your future. Where you will be in ten, twenty, even thirty years. Who you will be married to and how many children you will have. Will you be as in love as they appear to be? You want to be 85 and holding hands with your soul mate because that is what people deserve. You notice you are getting caught in your own head and decide to switch to another scene.

The man who is in a hurry to get somewhere. But where? Does he have a job interview? Is he late for a meeting? A date? Where is he off to, and in such a hurry. You want to follow him because, well, thats probably not a good idea. But this man seems important. In his slim fitting yet very dapper suit, and his leather dress shoes, and his slicked back hair. His skinny black tie. His cell phone to his ear. He is very important.

Then you notice the group of girls, laughing in a circle. More importantly, you notice the girl, who isn’t completely outside, but seems disinterested in a way. A girl who is half laughing, but something else is catching her eye… You look to see what is catching her attention because she almost looks sad in a way. She is fixed on a couple, who seems to be very interested in one another. She cannot take her eyes off of them, and you cant either. Why is she staring at them? Does she love him? Does she love her? Is she envious?

All you want is to be able to read these peoples minds, but in a way, you love not knowing. You love that you can sit there and just imagine. Imagine what these people are going through. Get inside their heads and their thoughts, and just make up stories.

I have always been a sucker for people watching. It has always helped me to take a step away from my life, and think about others. Not having to worry about yourself, or your own problems is the best remedy you could have.

So, try it. I urge you to. It really is awesome.